Being with someone without any success in building a lasting relationship can be frustrating. But, rather than groaning about how you’ve been so unlucky or that you’re fated to live alone, you have to look at the common denominator in all your failed relationships. That sounds harsh, but it doesn’t mean you’re giving off some sort of repellent. Rather, you’re making a wrong move that inadvertently shuts down the prospect of landing a person who may be right for you. If you step back and identify that error, you can address the problem.

Think about it: you may have been picking the wrong person. There are probably certain non-negotiable attributes you’re looking for. But lots of people forget to look at less obvious things that signal that the two of you may mesh, such as character traits and lifestyle habits. It’s not that you’re picking people who won’t make good partners, they just aren’t for you. You observe about how that potential feels about you rather than determining whether they fit into your life. You may worry so much about first impression that you inadvertently overlook certain qualities that make a big impact later on. Or, perhaps you’re caught up on how other people define a perfect partner. To break this cycle, be honest about what’s important to you, then seek out your type. If you’re career-minded, think about hitting up network events and seminars that cater to professionals just like you.

Another mistake you may be making is that as you may have the experience, there’s a ton of pressure at this point in your life to be paired up. So, it’s easy to get swept into thinking that this is what’s right for you. But, you have to ask yourself: do you crave for that kind of commitment or are you not quite ready to leave singlehood behind. Despite the stress to settle down, it’s common for younger men and women to take it easy. Trying to force yourself to be part of a couple when you’d be happier solo could be the reason your fledgling relationships have been failing. Even if you are sure you want a serious thing, previous unions may have crumbled because you felt overwhelmed by the reality of commitment.

It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, but if you’re ready now for a relationship, you have to nip anxiety in the bud. So next time you start seeing someone, curb your commitment jitters by scheduling time for yourself. Also, it’s a good idea to set the pace. The breathing room you allow yourself will make it a lot more comfortable to keep moving forward. And at all times, be upfront about what you want. It is destructive to confuse having needs with being needy. Don’t keep quiet because you don’t want to come across as demanding. A successful partnership requires you to speak up. Be straight about what you crave and give your significant other a simple heads-up so that you don’t put them on the defensive. Remember, people aim to please. Phrase your thoughts in an easy way so that they’ll jump at the chance to listen to you and do what you want.