How you handle conflicts with your partner can have a lasting impact on your family’s growth. You all know about the ups and downs of marriages, especially about those disagreements that start jovially and escalate into fierce and uncivilized enmity. The one aspect that may keep partners in control is the effect it has on their family.

The good news is that there is still time to reverse any negative effects, especially when you have children on board. Efforts to correct how you handle conflict resolution are never too late. The earlier such effort is made, the better and easier it is for everyone to recover from any form of damage. When you fight, keep in mind that it is really not just between you and your spouse. Your family unit includes everyone living under that one roof. Therefore, do your best to resolve conflicts in a manner that will have a positive effect on the people involved.

When you foresee trouble brewing, take deep breaths. Count to 10 slowly before saying or doing anything you may regret later on. A pause, however brief, may provide both partners the presence of mind to allow proper resolution of a conflict. And if you think that this is going to be a bad one, get out of seeing, hearing, and feeling range. Remember that people can still hear you behind closed doors or sense the tension between you and your partner when you are both in the same room. It is in everyone’s best interest to not let the others be aware of anything ugly or hostile.

If you can handle being civil with each other, allow your children to watch as you resolve your differences. Present your individual cases without interrupting each other, and discuss possible options, and come to an agreement toward a solution. Positive conflict resolution teaches the younger generation the power of communication in a loving and nurturing environment. It is a life skill that they can take with them as they grow up. So, instead of concentrating on winning the fight, try to win the relationship.

Periodic fights are unavoidable and are a natural part of any relationship. It is also just as necessary to acknowledge this in a marriage and not paint a perfectly happy, though false, life. Emphasize to your children that there’s a resolution to every conflict, big or small. Amid the fighting, remember that you still love each other and that you’re working on being okay in the end. The key to fruitful fights is not to let anger get hold of you. It takes practice. What will help is when you selflessly put your family’s wants and needs ahead of your own. Prioritize the group’s best interest so that you resolve conflicts more instinctively the right way. One of the best things you can pass on as a parent is to set a healthy example when people don’t always see eye to eye in specific situations. Find ways to develop effective communication if the arguments have already transcended into something more than an issue.